Is It Easy For You to Let Go?

Two men in a big truck took away 50 years of memories today.  Only one tear found its way down my cheek but my heart grieved in a way that was foreign to me.  I had not experienced it before.   A variety of memories were in that truck that will no longer be tangible.  Some had been kept for no reason.  Others were kept hoping it would stop the pain of loss.  But tangible memories often make the pain worse, especially if you look at them every day.

I no longer needed to know what grade I received in third-grade arithmetic.  I suck at math now but got straight A's in Advanced Math in high school.  I noted my D in Health class which made me laugh.  I remember that D.  It was because I forgot my notebook too many times. For the past 35 years, I have been a Certified Health Coach and it is one subject I am passionate about.

I didn't need to keep the hundreds of photographs from umpteen years that I will never look at again.  The ones wanted are in albums, which I kept.

I didn't need the boxes of dishes or small kitchen appliances I never use and someone else might enjoy.

I no longer have a VCR or cassette deck but held onto dozens of tapes.  Why?

As I put each crystal ornament my son had given me into a box I wanted to scream "Stop, bring them back!"  But I bit my tongue and cried silently.  I will never forget the moments when he gave them to me.  He was so proud that he had found the perfect one for each occasion to give his mommy.  I cherished them and always will.  They went into a box labeled "retired" and I hope to bring them out to show his children...... when he returns to us.

After he left us six years ago, I have run through the gamut of emotions a zillion times. I no longer need to see those tangibles to remind me of how much I love him.  How much he once loved us.  

This does not mean that I choose to forget him or that I have given up hope.  Not for one second.  It only means I will not have the stabbing pain in my heart when I see those trinkets in my bathroom or bedroom.


As the men closed the door of the truck and drove away and I pivoted on my heel to go into the house, my heart pivoted as well.  It is a new day.  A new era.  New memories will be made.  I have the pictures my grandbabies recently painted for me.  Those I will hang on the refrigerator and smile every time I see them.  It is a new day.   A new era.  

Gramma Time 

Speaking of the grands...they were here for a couple days this month. Were my kids this much fun?  YES!  What is different is that I don't have to discipline if it is needed.  Mom is there to handle that department and it makes me look like the good guy.  All. The. Time.

Is Moving As Much Fun as They Claim?

We haven't moved in 12 years and as organized as my home is, I was surprised at how much stuff I am disposing of.   I keep my closets and drawers free of clutter and purge regularly.  BUT it is the stuff I have kept forever stored in boxes that I took the time to sort through and toss.  I was able to convert more than a dozen large boxes to two small ones.  What a feeling of accomplishment.

A lot of people pack their breakables in newspapers but I pack them in paper towels which can be reused in my new kitchen.  Then nothing has to be cleaned when I arrive.  

With this move, I have learned not to ask my husband if he wants to keep clothes he has not worn in decades.  His answer is always a resounding "YES" so THIS time, I am not asking!  Will I be sorry?  Maybe.  Am I worried?  What do you think?

One Woman - Fearless

This weekend I am traveling to an award ceremony in another city where I am the recipient of an award I did not even know existed before.  Someone anonymously nominated me for the award which I will treasure forever.  It is the global One Woman - Fearless award given to women who let go of their fears to live their dreams; those who overcame much and never quit.  My daughter will be with me and I am sure it is a day that will be ingrained in my heart forever.  

This is my monthly Fly on the Wall post and I hope you can take time to enjoy the other blogger's posts in this challenge

Baking In A Tornado

Menopausal Mother 

Bookworm in the Kitchen

Spatulas on Parade 

Go Mama O   

                                                                                                     

Have You Ever Considered Trying Out for the Olympics?

Have you ever dreamed of being in the Olympics?  Can you imagine the world cheering you on while you rush towards the finish line?

I was asked this question and laughed out loud.  I don't even watch sports on TV.  Actually, that's not true.  Last year I watched the Super Bowl for the first time in my life.  Surprisingly I enjoyed it.  Will I ever do it again?  I doubt it.  My husband watches a sports event once or twice a year which I am thankful for otherwise, I might have to learn to enjoy it.

But I was asked a direct question which means I need to answer it honestly.  There were two sports I aced in high school.  One was basketball.  I was the star player for the Mackenzie Stags.  I enjoyed the rush and wanted to make my team proud.  It was an easy feat to make a free throw with my eyes closed or facing the opposite direction.  Now, I would be throwing air balls and an embarrassment to any team.  Memories are a good thing.

Even more than basketball, I could beat anyone of any gender on the track.  Several times I had boys approach me wanting to bet they could beat me.  I took those bets and always won.  They were not pleased and the language -- well, it wasn't fitting for high school kids back in that day.  

I almost ran a full block without stopping last week.  I was proud of myself.  WHAT HAPPENED?  I take my dogs for a power walk every day but running -- a lost art.

I gave my kids every opportunity to try any sports activity they wanted to and was surprised that my son really didn't enjoy any of them -- unless paintball is considered a sport.  My daughter was a natural for dancing classes of several varieties and I thoroughly enjoyed watching her perform.  But that is an art -- not a sport. Not growing up with sports watched in the home probably had a lot to do with it.  

If asked what sport I actually do enjoy watching, it would be boxing.  When I found out my daughter put her son, William, in boxing last year, I was thrilled.  I attended one of his classes; he did Gramma proud!  Sportsmanship can be taught in many ways and when you experience your grandson displaying it, you know his parents did it right.

Six-year-old William was partnered with a 12-year-old boy while running laps at his boxing class.  His mom was shouting as all moms do "Run, William, run!"  Loud enough so that the entire gymnasium could hear, he shouted back, "I'm running slow because Jason (his partner) always loses and I want him to win this time!"  Gramma cried.

Have you ever dreamed of being an Olympic athlete?  What would your sport be?

This post is a Secret Subject Swap with other bloggers who are asked unique questions.  Check them out - I think you will enjoy each one.  My question was asked by a fellow blogger who is also a special friend of mine - Rena from Blogging 911.

Baking In A Tornado                           

Cognitive Script                         

The Lieber Family Blog              

The Bergham Chronicles                        

Southern Belle Charm                         

The Blogging 911                            

My Brand of Crazy                          

Climaxed                                   

Part-Time Working Hockey Mom                            

What Do You Think About the Most - Your Future or Your Past

A new year is usually the time we reflect on our past.  It is quite normal to wonder what would have been different if you had or not done something.  If the past year was traumatic, we might wonder what would have happened if we had made a different decision.

This is a blogging challenge called Secret Subject Swap and I was asked to answer this question posted by Minette at Southern Belle Charm:  If you could go back 20 years for one hour and change the rest of your life, what would you change and why?

This is NOT the End of Your Story

As beautiful as the Christmas season is, it can be very difficult for many people to enjoy.  There are those of us who have lost someone close, perhaps a family member or dear friend.  It has been said that the 'first' Christmas after such a loss is especially challenging.  There are so many triggers to the memory of that loss.  

But we pick ourselves up off the ground and know that each year it will be a bit easier.  Or is it?  For some, it is still a serious emotional struggle.  They may hide it well and few people know or understand the pain of that loss.  When my son and his family walked away from our family five years ago, I maintained an attitude of hope that he would return before the year-end.  I will continue to maintain that attitude although sometimes that thread of hope gets thinner - I still hang on.  I will never give up.  I know it is not the end of the story.

What that loss has done is make me more empathetic to those who have lost much more than I have.  We cannot measure the bereavement for anyone other than ourselves because each of us process pain differently.  

But the season of Christmas is a reminder that we have much to be thankful for, to be joyful and enjoy the good memories and new ones we are about to make.

What memories we will make this
Christmas with these precious ones

What does for better, for worse mean?

November 24, 1997, was our 25th wedding anniversary.  Anyone who has been married that long usually has questions and reflections about their relationship.  





Over the years, there were moments when I wondered if we would make it another year.  Although our relationship was strong, the circumstances we endured over the course of those years were horrendous.  Our lives were battered, often bruised, and broken more times than I can count.  Yet, we survived.  Yes, we grew stronger.  But as some people have said, "I'd take weakness over all the struggles you had to endure to make you stronger."

When you start your life together as a couple, you concentrate on a bright future.  You talk about all the hopes and dreams you have together and individually.  When trials come, you work through them -- together.  Rarely does anyone anticipate that almost every year would bring a major trauma into your lives.  But, in our case, that is what happened.